Excessive

I can't sleep, I can't sleep, I can't sleep. I'm laying there... a giant ball of hyper active energy. I feel like my soul is vibrating and my mind is racing and I can't stop my racing thoughts, I can't sleep.

I've been so angry lately.

Mad about how much I'm working... 40 hour work week, full time school. I didn't ask for this many hours, what the fuck. I can't do it. Somethings gotta give.

I don't write anymore because life is so crazy busy and I don't have any time to just sit around thinking about my day... any free time that I have I desperately attempt to relax, playing games or watching TV shows, trying not to panic about life, money, school and so on. It's pretty tough... really tough... I feel like my core is about to collapse and I'm just going to implode.

I'm just terrified of life right now.

Can't wait until May.

It was recently Valentine's Day, but obviously I didn't write anything because it's just been so crazy busy, but I suppose I have a few minutes now where I can sit down and write about my small, but awesome and cool experience.

It's been a tough day, a tough week. I always feel that way... it's been a tougher few weeks than normal. I've been writing down my moods each day, on scale of 1 to 10, how I felt. Trying not to think too much about it, just write down my first instinct of how I feel. For the last couple weeks it's been pretty low, and it's been really difficult.

Man, things are tough.

I want to get back to writing more.

I needed today, I really needed today, for what it was, so I could survive.

Yesterday was a terrible, terrible day. I've been having a rough week, but yesterday was sort of the culmination of everything building up, leading into non-stop, high anxiety. I took half a xanax in the morning before work so I could try to calm myself down and do some school work, but it didn't help much, I was so full of anxious energy that it was hard to do much of anything.

I think I kind of screwed myself up... screwed myself over... or however you god damn want to put it. You see, I was hyper-focused on school, reading chapters of my books the day it was assigned, doing my homework regardless of the time, I was dedicated and in it, and working well. I was stressed and unhappy that I had no time to relax, so I worked really hard, got caught up and about two or three days ago I finished my work early, so I sat down and started playing Final Fantasy XIII-2, which was one of the first times I really spent any good amount of time relaxing since I started school. The problem was that it was really fun, and addictive, and now I want to play more.

Things have been overwhelming lately, so much that I feel an impending nervous breakdown on the horizon and feel helpless to avoid it. Considering all the shit that I've been through lately, my lack of free time, comforts, quality time with people important to me, and all of that shit, I feel as though I've been doing pretty well, but the last couple days I think it's been catching up with me, and I'm starting to have doubts about just how strong I really am.