Excessive

I've lost the ability to relax and not feel anxious. Today was a day off and while I tried my best to just feel at reset, I felt nervous the whole time, had butterflies in my stomach.

I'm writing an XML parser / XML reader for no reason besides my own amusement, which is both nerdy, but fun, so I don't care. It's hard to find time to work on it, or find time where I'm awake enough to work on it, and it can be frustrating because I sit down to work and I am just so tired that I can't understand the basic concepts that make up the project.

Today wasn't the best day for me, and while it personally feels - right at this moment - like I've felt like this for as long as I can remember, I know that I felt good yesterday for a bit, and I know it wasn't this bad, but right now, right at this moment, I feel helpless, sad and most importantly, frustrated.

I just finished a long work week... my first week back since I finished fifth semester of schoo. I went right from exams into working seven or eight days straight, so it's been tiring to say the least.

Having a dog is stressful.

Does it ever get less stressful?

Ashe got spayed today, so when we got her back at 4:30pm, she was really out of it, scared, unsure of what was happening and could barely walk.

I've been working on school all evening, and it's very difficult considering how tired I am.

Bekki is in Peterborough or some other useless place... she's there to take a class at some University, to get a non-violent crises intervention credit thing, so that she can get a placement for her school, and that was the only one accepted students, so she had to drive for four hours this morning to get there, and pay for a hotel to stay over night and finishes it tomorrow.

World of Warcraft is a game that keeps on going, as I'm sure anyone that's played it knows. I've started playing again recently, but not playing like I used to. I used to raid, and for those of you that don't know, that's a three day a week commitment, plus the other days doing what needed to be done to get ready to raid and raid effectively, and then on top of all that, the time required to manage a guild and ensure that the 50+ people co-existing as a team are getting along and understand our goals. No... that's not what I'm doing now.

I'm going to write a little because I want to.

Today I got woken up by my dog, Ashe (have you met?) digging in her crate over and over again for what seemed like hours, so I got up at like 8:30am, went down and let her pee, put her back and then came back to sleep, and got woken up at 9:30am for good. It was only about six hours of sleep, so I was pretty tired, especially since I had taken a sleeping pill, but what are you gonna do?

I accidentally stopped taking sleeping pills over the last couple months because of a few reasons. One being that I have been so overworked, and so tired all the time that falling asleep hasn't really been an issue, and secondly, I simply ran out of them and couldn't bring myself to find the time to go get more, so you could call it the laziness factor. Well, more recently, as in the last couple weeks, I've found myself unable to fall asleep, or even relax at all. I've been so wound up and anxious at all times, and it only gets worse at night time. I lay in bed with my mind cycling over and over the same thoughts, school work, work drama or insecurities, games I'm interested in, over and over and faster and faster and I can barely stand it. I know that generally speaking sleeping pills somewhat shut off my thinking (if they work properly) so it's a solution to a problem. In an effort to fight this recent issue, I went and bought some more pills, and have been taking them on nights where I've felt extra anxious and had racing thoughts... so every night since I got them.

I had more to write but I'm suddenly completely uninterested in doing so.