Excessive

... alone in the dark ...

Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories

somewhere sometime :: all things will be fine ::
and it never seems to stop :: wonder if i've met my wife ::
somewhere sometime :: all things will be fine ::
and it never seems enough :: splinter left :: focus right ::
this mortal soil around me :: mortal feeling i have found :: surrounded by your glory ::
hold me now so that i never drown :: and it never seems to stop :: wonder if i've met my wife ::
splinter left :: focus right :: focus right

I don't have any words to describe what's happening to me and my life, but I would just like to clarify that my life is not in danger, so there is no need to call the police on me or anything of that nature ... *cough* Please and thank you.

I've been trying really hard the past hour or so trying to figure out exactly what it is that's wrong with me. Why can't I look out the window at night without my stomache dropping and feeling more scared than any other time in my life. Why am I scared to be alone? Why can't I feel safe anywhere but under a hundered blankets, hidden somewhere in a room. I'm scared to make the trip from the couch to the living room.. a deep fear, right inside of my chest.. I don't know why, I just don't know why.

There is nowhere left to hide

I know it's been a long time, and I apologize for the wait, but I bet most of you have been busy with your holidays and celebrating various things, and haven't really been dropping by as often as normal. I'm so close to having a total breakdown that it's frightening. I can feel it all built up inside of me... I want to scream and tear my skin off... I just want to hide myself and cry and cry and just take a break from it all.. from everything; from all the feelings inside me and all the thoughts in my head. The doubts, the sickness I feel inside, the pain in my body, my fear of the future, and fear of my past, reaccuring thoughts, waking nightmares and fear of how I'm going to survive; and with all this stuff going on, and all this stuff going through me, I still feel so numb and lifeless. I enjoy the games I play, and I enjoy the company of my Emily, but there's just something wrong in my mind lately, that just doesn't seem to be getting any better. I'm falling apart... I'm so close to breaking down.. I'm scared.

grandpas.tree

So I'm sitting in the backseat of the car just pulling out of my grandpa's house, and it was all around an excellent night. Although a few things went a wee bit off schedual (ala leaving and turkey) it didn't really affect much and it was actually one of the better visits.

yes... i drew this myself.. lame

Short entry really... For the past few years, each of my christmas entries have been negative or depressive, so I thought I'd skip all that this year and just put in a bit of good stuff.

Well.. by the date it appears it's Christmas Eve.. yay... *cough*

It would seem that I'm very unhappy.. so very unhappy. and yes, I'm complaining about my problems, but guess what? That's why I made this fucking place.. jesus christ, what else do I really have to write about?? I am unhappy, very, very lonely, scared and sick feeling. Not very fun...