Excessive

I don't feel like writing. I don't feel like addressing the same audience each night, night after night. I'm sick of being nothing but negative and complaining about the same god damn things over and over again. I must come off as such a fucking whiner. There was a time when positive things made it on to these virtual pages, but it feels like so long ago.

What is happiness to me? Is happiness an absence of unhappiness? The absence of a specific list of things that upset you? or is it more than that? Happiness to me... happiness... Happiness is a brief moment that's followed by a much longer down swing. Happiness is romance, is knowing what someone is thinking and liking it, happiness lies in believing in love.

I feel like my heart is about to explode. I can't think straight and I feel wired out of my mind...

I had a database midterm this morning, and I woke up late. Yeah, my heart dropped as I rolled over and saw the clock, I woke up an hour late, and was a few minutes late for when I'd have to catch the bus, and so I stumbled out of my bed to my phone and sent a text to Calen basically saying, "Please tell me you haven't left yet. I need a ride, I woke up late" and it just so happened that Calen had fallen back asleep and was also going to be late, so that worked out. I got ready quickly and we made it to school pretty quickly and were only about three minutes late.

Felt like a pretty long day today, and while it wasn't that unpleasant, a few unpleasant things occurred. Mainly it was not doing as well on my client/server midterm as I had hoped, or thought I would. Second would be going in to work to find out that I was in to inventory, which is just lame.

Last night as I was stumbling to bed, all dizzy from my sleeping pill, I fucking stubbed my toe so hard off a suitcase type travel bag sticking out from underneath the bed. Kind of knocked the wind out of me just because of how unexpected it was, and it hurt sooooo much. I turned the light on, and by this point I'm feeling really out of it from the sleeping pill), and I checked if there was any blood, but there wasn't, so I just went to bed. When I woke up, there was blood at the toenail, and it hurts like a bitch to put my weight down on that foot... it's been so long since I've stubbed my toe, it sucks!

The end of a long, tiring, frustrating, worrying, stressful week. Yeah, that's a lot of adjectives, and in all honesty, I don't think that quite accurately covers just how terrible this week has been. I've entered some kind manic freak out and was terribly irresponsible with money all week, as well as obsessively focused on specific things, restless, hyper active.

I'm not going to be writing tonight.

I worked my ass off all day on coding, and now I'm really tired. I feel mentally drained, physically drained, and I don't feel good about anything or anyone.

I wasn't going to write today... errr.. tonight... mainly because I spent the last 10 hours working on a C++ project... a DateTime class that basically handles conversions between Julian Date Numbers and Gregorian Calendar dates. It's extremely complicated, frustrating, countless issues, non-stop anger... ugh. Today has been an interesting up and down experience, and I'm going to bed on quite a down note, which is... so fucking retarded.

This week has been a whirlwind of non-stop stuff to do, and my brain is just about catching up now, which leaves me feeling... kinda tired, kinda lost feeling.

What's that? I should complain a bit more? Sure! My hands hurt... I somehow have nicks and cuts all over them, and they sting constantly and when I have a bath they hurt more, and when I cut things at work and either fruit juice or potato liquid or anything really, it just hurts the fuck out of me. I have a headache and I'm uncomfortable, I had school and worked all night, and I have a midterm tomorrow and I don't have time to study... well, the time I do have... I can't concentrate because of my headache.