Excessive

Most recently I've been itching to be creative... I've been searching my brain for something to create - to program specifically. With all the programming at school, it's got me wanting to make something of substance and purpose, so I've been trying to think of something, and I may have thought of something finally, but before I write about it, I'll plan it out first.

I sit here feeling as though my heart is about to explode, feeling full of anxiety and discomfort. I'm dizzy and disoriented, feeling alone and never quite so unimportant. Simple pleasures? Happiness in the small things? These are the things I've learned to direct my life towards - to appreciate and seek out and raise up to special.

I suck at writing now, I never know what to say. I think about things to write constantly through the day and it sounds so good, and it's all gone when I sit down to type. It bothers me and leaves me feeling defeated at the end of the night because I had wanted to write some meaningful garbage and I end up just summarizing my day.

I had wanted to write earlier; Twice I had thought to myself, "I will write that tonight", and I looked forward to it, but now I sit here and don't remember anything I was going to write.

Writing out of personal obligation tonight, so it's a bit of a struggle, as I don't have very much to say, nothing specific or special, but I suppose I could just go through my day like I most often do.

Today was a good day, I mean, I was pretty busy, and things kind of went by in a blur, it was over before I knew it, like... I literally most forget what it was like to eat dinner because my mind was so wrapped up around the preparation and reception. On top of my Mom's birthday dinner, it was also the release day of Diablo 3, a game that I may not have talked about much up until now, but it's a pretty big deal, and I'll get into why.

Today was quite different than what I had planned, as was last night. I had wanted to have today as a day I accomplished a lot, I even talked to my Mom about it, and her response was, "well, you better wake up really early to get it all done" and things did not go as planned. I was hungover, in pain and dealing with things.

It's that time again, to sit down on the couch and write. To turn on the TV and try to relax, and get all the thoughts of out of my head so I can feel at rest. It's like writing the thoughts down in here, in this little box, makes them go away in my head, to give me some time alone, some time to actually unwind. If I don't write them down, they circulate, go round and round, drive me crazy and never stop flowing.

I would like today to be a good day.

Today was not much different than the day before, school was tolerable but overall boring, and the second half of the day left me feeling uninspired and unenergized and lethargic. I didn't accomplish much, nor did I feel good about anything I was doing, and overall it left a bad taste in my mouth.