Excessive

Writing Photography Rambling

September 23, 2004 12:47PM

Jay Jay Laari's Wonderful Horrible Life
  • I lived with Ben on Cartier
  • I was with Emily


Lately it seems I?ve been unable to come up with new, creative or even acceptable ways to begin my entries. I always seem to draw a blank when it comes time to actually start the typing. I mean? when I?m relaxing, be it in a bath, on the bed, or even just sitting in my chair, the thoughts as to what I can write, the words I can use and exactly what I want to talk about flows into my mind, circulates, inspires me and is generally not a problem to come up with lengthy topics to speak about. Then comes the time when actually putting these thoughts into words comes and I draw a blank. There are countless things inside of me that I could type about; that I could release onto this pathetic palette, and yet I?m stuck sitting here, unable to even type a first word. To anyone that has read this for any amount of time, or anyone who knows me at all, you would know that I am never short of things stuck inside of my head that I want out, but have trouble transferring that information from my brain to my finger tips. It seems to plague me each night, and it never seems to go away; I try and try and yet no matter what I do, the problem endures. I have found fuel for my fingers however, which once the ideas start flowing, it will keep it going; my sleeping pills; but they don?t help it begin, only help it continue. Well? I suppose that was an adequate introduction, I guess I?ll get into it now.



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September 20, 2004 2:07PM

Left Behind
  • I lived with Ben on Cartier
  • I was with Emily


So afraidOpen your eyesKnow too wellThat fatuates youSomething undefinedThere in the halflightThe demon withoutThe demon insideTo play then torment youFeelings so sureFeelings so uncertainSomething is wrongEveryone's goneYou have been left behindEveryone left the demon insideDo you still hear the laughterSo hard to describeAnd never forgetFaces that haunt youWake or sleepYou know you can't tellUnable to sleepUnable to fightUnwilling to wakeTo open your eyesFace your oppressorStill you go onConvinced it will endCan you rememberA day when it was notNot like thisUnsure of yourselfUnsure of your thoughtsUnable to knowOf what you think is right or wrongStill you go onConvinced it will endBut someone pushesA blade through your mindThere on the edgeNo one will find youSo hearing them laughNo light it's not the end for youWhy is everything wrongHere I amHere I amWith these wordsTrying to saySomething I can'tSomething I can't tell youNothing is wrongThe demons they have left youYou were not left behindYou were not left behindSo open your eyesSo open your eyesUnable to sleepUnable to fightUnwilling to wakePlease open your eyesHere I standUnable to tell youI'm trying to sayNothing is wrongPlease open your eyesNothing is wrongYou were not left behind

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September 18, 2004 12:46PM

My Life is but a Fable... let is slide.
  • I lived with Ben on Cartier
  • I was with Emily


Oooh, silly Jordan I say, silly Jordan. Where shall I begin! SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT!! Okay, well really not that much, but let's see if I can flush it out! I guess we can start with yesterday... after Emily had gone to school, I couldn't quite get back to sleep, as usual, so I decided to sit down, and just play Final Fantasy 4, and build up my charactesr, and I wouldn't take a no from my mind as an answer. So that's exactly what I did... for three or four hours. I got up about ten levels or so, fighting the hardest monsters in the game, in the room a few rooms before the very last boss. While the monsters started out pretty tough, often bringing my party to the double digits in hitpoints, by the end it was a walk in the park, and the enemies could barely scratch me, let alone even threaten to kill me, so it was only a matter of time, not risk, to get up to a high enough level to take on the last boss, Zeromus. I had tried earlier, the day before actually, to take on Zeromus on a much earlier level, and I guess we can just say that he unzipped his pants and went to town on my partys asses (which is why I decided to build up a lot, naturally). So after my hard work of fighting and fighting (and listening to random music at the same time), I decided to give it another try, after Rydia had learned Meteo, and everyone had a quite large pool of hitpoints. I marched in there, gripped the controller as tight as I could (probably a bit tigher than was neccessary, but this was an intense battle) and about five to ten minutes later, I had defeated him!!

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September 16, 2004 2:52AM

293
  • I lived with Ben on Cartier
  • I was with Emily


who is this? The comment script is complete!! A small line count 293 lines of code in this script, it allows the integration of automated comments almost instantly. All you have to do is download it, and then link to it anywhere you wish for comments to appear, it's as simple as that! Right now it's up and functioning on Emily's Website [Chaotic Maelstrom]. I only spent a couple hours this afternoon working on it, after Michelle and Emily had already got here. The bulk of the coding was done yesterday, and today was just finishing up the customization aspect of the script, as well as squishing a few bugs which I was aware of. There are still a couple issues I know of that need to be address, but the script will run fine with them still in, I'll just get to fixing them when I can. I've yet to put any real thought into a page or site dedicated to the script, considering how small it is, but I suppose in the next few days I might draw up some ideas for a mini-site... I'll keep you updated, and if you're interested in adding a comment function to your own website, email me about it and I'll see what I can do about setting you up and getting you the script and instructions. I'm not quite sure how 'user friendly' it is right now, as I only made it for me to understand, except some of the customization options, which I fully commented, but with a little instruction, commenting could be set up in as short as five minutes if all went well. I'm proud of it

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September 14, 2004 12:32PM

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  • I lived with Ben on Cartier
  • I was with Emily


michelle's hairfrom behind Oh, how the night ends in tragedy.. such anger, shock and sadness. Did someone die? No. Worse... What happened was this. I load Final Fantasy 3j to take a screenshot or two for my site, because I wanted to show off the state of the art graphics (obviously) and so when I was trying to figure out what the print screen was, I accidentally hit the Load State key, which sent my game data back to the last time I saved state, which was... a few days ago. Needless to say, I'm about 10 hours of game time back, with all my progress lost... I wanted to kill myself, or smash a monitor.. or just fucking scream. All my fucking hard work and enjoyment taken away from me! AGH!! So... the key to take pictures is F9 by the way... I'm not sure what to do now. Should I just pick up from where it's set me... and try to remember what I was doing and just start from there.... should I start right from the beginning again and do it all over so I can feel the right flow kinda dealy.. or should I just stop playing altogether and move onto something new? I don't know what I want to do right now... I'm so frustrated.

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September 09, 2004 11:29PM

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  • I lived with Ben on Cartier
  • I was with Emily


I awoke this morning early, as Emily was leaving for school; around 7:00am to be percise, and what shocked me was that I wasn't immediately tired, at least not enough to shrug, roll over and fall back asleep right away. I laid for a few seconds after she had left me, and I decided to at least get up and sit at the computer, since I didn't see myself falling back asleep at that point, and my computer was a wee bit more exciting than the bed. I just did the normal stuff, check my email, my message boards, run Hornet... it quickly got boring as well, since there wasn't much else to do, so I threw myself back in bed and went back to sleep, rather quickly, as I don't even really have much of a memory of doing so. Don't you hate when, at a glance (per se) you think you remember everything in your day. Someone asks you what you did, you quickly go over it in your head and yup, it's all there. Then, when it comes down to the details..and you actually have to go back and search for the answers, it's kinda blank. Does that happen to anyone else. I thought I could write an accurate retelling of my morning, but nope.. it's just gone. I have no idea if I went back to sleep at that point. I have no idea when I did any of the stuff I did this morning, as it was always in between various naps. *sigh* I'll just pretend I know what I'm talking about and you people will believe me.

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September 08, 2004 5:16PM

So Much, So Little
  • I lived with Ben on Cartier
  • I was with Emily


There are a few specific things I want to cover in this entry, since I haven't written one in a few days, I'm getting quite behind and it'll be harder and harder to remember or bring myself to write as time moves on, so I'm going to sit down and try to force some writing out. As I've mentioned time and time again, over and over again, I've been having such a hard time writing lately; such a hard time getting it out of my thick skull and giant noggin, nothing seems to come out when I turn on the tap. There is so much built up inside me, I'm quite certain it's driving me insane. Everything bottled up inside, wanting to come out but having no way to travel... ugh, it's difficult to deal with. Clouds my mind... everything gets in the way and I can't really grasp on to one single thing... I kinda just get a handfull of stuff that all comes out at once and makes no sense...which obviously can cause some problems (for example the first draft of this damn entry)... well, without further delay...

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