Excessive

I'm sitting here at 2:16am and I'm anxious and nervous and tapping my knee so fast and I can't feel relaxed nor can I feel okay. I feel... so... ugh. I don't even know. I hate this feeling. I want it to go away. I feel like I want to be creative but can't. I don't feel relief from being done school, and I fear work tomorrow for no reason.

I woke up on time this morning, although I don't quite remember. The morning is kind of a haze at this point, and I don't specifically remember much of anything up until about two hours ago, and I think my level of tiredness has something to do with that, but let's see what I can do.

Besides the couple times I've had late nights at work and early mornings at school, I've been sleeping pill free for about the last two weeks or so, and it's been going okay I guess. It's more difficult falling asleep for sure, and I'm waking up almost as tired, so there is no real benefit beyond the knowledge that I don't have foreign substances in my body. It's hurt my ability to write, or at least the amount I write, as I've noticed... but I guess it doesn't matter, no one reads anymore anyway.

Work was as busy as I had predicted it would be, and while it was a bit stressful, in general, the day went smoothly and we got all the work done when we had to, and I didn't get a headache or anything.

I want to write every day, I do. I miss the creativity, the sense of archiving my life, and just the free flowing of thoughts. But you see, when I used to write a lot, I was unemployed, and now, I have limited time to do many things. Like, I can either write, or watch the episode of the office from this week. or write, or relax and watch a movie before bed. It's always difficult to pick writing, because I don't have an audience anymore, and since it's been so long, it's hard to care.

To be honest, I didn't realy have high expectations when I placed Star Ocean: Till The End of Time on the ounter of the local EB Games. I knew it was published by SquareEnix, and I briefly read over a review at Gamespy about it but the real-time battle system had me iffy and the lack of the words 'Final Fantasy' had me skeptacle. Basically, Square being willing to assosciate it's name with it, the cover art, and the fact it came with a fancy box drew me in for the buy.