Excessive

What do you do when you can't stop doing something that you know is making you feel crazy?

All day, I program. More or less all day. I take breaks to do chores, so I feel a little more sane, but I feel the draw to just go back to programming, and my mind is racing and my leg is tapping so fast, and I just can't stop. I don't want to stop, but I know it's causing me to feel this way. To feel crazy, to feel like my mind is so fast that I can't even process what I'm thinking.

I've been having a rough time still, with work being an especially difficult hurdle in most days. Today I had to leave the kitchen and go downstairs to the lockers and I honestly didn't know if I was going down there to scream in frustration, cry in desperation or just punch the shit out of the lockers. That's just a peak into the kind of emotional shit I'm going through while I'm there.

I talk to myself in my head, too much. I constantly have a dialogue going through my head, a current of words and thoughts... it's no wonder I find writing so easy, or so... relieving, because it lets some of those thoughts out. I walk around my apartment writing in my head as if I were sitting at the computer. That's weird right? Maybe it's weird, but I guess it's just how my brain works sometimes, and it helps me or is responsible for my ability to write, because I'm constantly forming sentences in my head, and it just spills out into the keyboard as I sit and stare at the screen. It does drive me crazy sometimes though, and I think writing is the best way to get it out and make myself feel a bit better.

So I didn't really leave the house today, and while in theory that sounds amazing, in practice it leaves me feeling weak, under-active and usually gives me a headache, which happened. Yes, I got a wonderful headache today; I feel energetic and like a failure. I feel like I had a productively lazy day, and I guess I'm torn whether or not I'm happy with what I've done.

When I got home from work today, it was around 3:30pm and I was really tired, so I got in bed and ended up napping until around 6:00. I had saved a bit of money this weekend by not having to take a cab Sunday because Julie gave me a ride, so I used that cash to get pizza for dinner, cause I was tired, groggy and hungry, so it seemed like a good idea.

I spent the majority of today working on school work... a workplace behaviour project to be specific, and it wasn't too bad. I woke up around 10:00am and had breakfast, the usual toast and coffee, and around 10:30 or 11am I started the school work. I worked on it until around 3pm, and finished it completely. It felt good to get it out of the way, and I was pretty proud of the results.

Woah, I didn't get much sleep! I went to bed last night around 5am after playing some Soul Calibur and SSX On Tour, and then finally getting in bed and watching a Seinfeld, but I didn't turn on music and attempt to sleep well after five, but here I am getting up at 11am. Oh well, I enjoy being up in the day, and I actually prefer to be tired than have overslept, so it's all good.

Well since I've been running a 'Blog'/Website for over five years now, I figured I could put a bit of what I've learned in that time onto digital paper, and share it with those who also run such a website. I have a hard time reading various blogs because of many reasons... bleh.. I don't know where I was going with that.. aaanyway, I was in a writing mood, so after I wrote up a Resident Evil 4 review, I was doing the dishes and I just ran to the computer and started writing. Here are: The Rules of the Blog! Reader discression is advice... speak of penis touching is involved, as well as OPINION. So if you can picture me telling you to fuck off, just do so in advance. and for those of you who are just skimming, I'll put a link on it's own line, so you don't miss it... .. retards.