Excessive

So I went out today with resumes and handed them out in most every place I could think of. In the mall, and at Value Mart and various places in the market. I also went to Stobies where the girl, whom I don't know personally, but know as 'the stobies girl' knew who I was, apparently through Dave, and was really nice and made me feel confident about perhaps a call back, since she'll probably put in a good word for me or something along those lines. I'd rather work at Stobies than any call center in the world because I have tons of experience with pizza and I'd rather deal with people over a cash register than over a phone. I called Stream when I got home and they confirmed that I have the job but that there just isn't a training program starting until mid to late march. It's exactly as I had been saying all along... but no ones going to notice that.

the soul is fucking missing. you all fucking wrecked it for me. all of you have destroyed the potential.

disgusted with humanity now more than ever; the god damn fucking soul is missing.

Someone really needs to make a good, quality, reliable ROM site, because I'm sick of spending entire nights just trying to find a couple gameboy roms I'm missing, when if someone just ran a respectable site, I could find in five minutes.

on a side note... emucation.com is down

Today was one of the worst days in a very long time. I think I actually disappeared for a bit, because hours went by without my knowledge. I'd check the clock and it would be an hour later than it should've been. Argh.. I'm meeelting.

Last night, Linzie came online at around 2:40 in the morning, and I remember clicking on that little box that pop-ups, saying shithead is online or whatever. I remember looking at the empty message box long enough for the display picture to download, and then I just closed it. Seconds later she sent me a message. Strange.. but these things happen to me all the time. She just wanted some tips on cooking tomatos for spagetthi, which I gave her. It's just saddening to be reminded that we'll never talk to each other the same again. I hate it. She's doing exactly what I always knew she'd do; she got herself together and is going to kings, exactly like she always said. Makes me proud in some way.

Today seems like a blink. I don't remember any of it... it seems to have lasted for maybe two minutes, and I'm not exagerating... that's what it feels like. I've decided the internet blows; it's so fucking boring. Everyone's blogs and/or journals are so depressing that I refuse to even go to read them, message boards are slow and mostly filled with idiots (except Godly Gods) and there's just nothing left for me online. On a side note, Sunday TV sucks.

It's 5:36am and I'm not in bed and I'm not tired and it's - again - going to screw up my tomorrow, and most likely affect my moods even more. I'm sitting here, alone, with Tony Bennett on, thinking nothing, feeling nothing... it just seems something is missing. There's just go to be something missing.

For the last few days I haven't felt very good. I've been feeling very down, sad, depressed, apprehensive and anxious. I think for the most part it can be blamed on the fact that I've been getting up later in the day and up later in the night... it's a subtle difference really, but it seems to have some effect on me, or at least I think it is. I feel low again, and apprehensive towards the future... sick of not getting a job from all the places I've applied, and now there aren't even any jobs to apply for. I feel distant from Emily... I've only talked to my Mom once in the last two weeks. I don't really know what's going on... is it all in my head? I don't know where to begin... There's so much I want, and I don't seem to be getting any of it.

hot. naima.

hotter. norelle.

I've been really wanting to do something new with the site... add something, a new section, improve something... just DO something... but nothing comes to mind. I attempted to create a php script that would manage my ROMs, how often they're played etc... but that didn't work out due to technical limitations. It just couldn't do what I had in mind... I'd have to do it through some C# or even VB.net, both of which I don't have, since I haven't had VS.net in a long time... so I guess that whole idea went down the drain. Another idea was making an actual ROM mini-site, with roms available for download, for free, with no accounts needed, no advertising, details on the game, screenshots, quality checks, votes, polls and comments... but I'd need roughly 1.5 to 2 gigs of webspace to accomplish that, and well... i have about 100mb.

I think I have to stop thinking right now, because I'm getting more and more depressed by the second.