Excessive

So this was essentially day two of my 'no caffeine challenge' and I guess technically I already failed, but in spirit I'm still going, I guess I'll explain.

I don't have time to write an entry, or at least I realize it's in my best interest to skip the 'writing the long entry' thing.

Work was chaotic and stressful, and I saw it coming and tried to warn people but no one took my seriously and brushed it off. Even though I only worked an eight hour shift for a change, it felt like ten hours. I didn't get very much brunch prep done, and I'm not entirely looking forward to tomorrow.

And I memorized the way our legs entwined as I drifted off beside you
I memorized how warm your body felt
as you lay half asleep beside me
And I memorized the way the sunlight
filled the room and played upon your body

I'd like to begin this entry with a string of highly thoughtful and clever sentences, showcasing my intelligence and wit, and yet I sit here staring at a blank text box, unsure of what to say, or even where to start. Intelligence, it would appear, will not be a contributing factor in this entry.

Click this: http://www.exrambling.net/?v=241

I don't think I'm a people person. My interaction with people today has reinforced that thought, that belief. I don't enjoy in general - the interaction, repercussions and total bullshit that comes along with people. I feel a pit in my stomach, I feel a darkness, a cold, empty feeling growing in the core of me. I try to fight it off, I even make decisions that are in my best interest, decide to do things I know will help, and it's just one thing after another. I came home from work so angry and upset, I simply got in to bed and went to sleep with no alarm set, didn't care when I woke up or about anything at all. I figured... maybe I was so upset because I was tired, maybe I was over-reacting or worked up for no reason, but there seems to be a consistent theme throughout the day, a theme of betrayal. Perhaps not vicious or obvious betrayal, but a feeling of being stabbed in the back or treated unfairly.

Dealing with the coming down is the tricky part. I was doing okay, but things can change quickly.

I woke up around 7am this morning, as I worked at 9am, so it was the appropriate time to wake up... cool story right? Yeah, I like stating obvious facts for no reason other than an excuse to write words into an empty box. Fucking fantastic. I had breakfast, and got ready... I sent a text to Julie randomly, just saying that I didn't want to go outside or go to work, and she called me back and offered me a ride, as she was just leaving to go in to work herself, so I gladly accepted, and left shortly after.

It's 2pm and while I may not post this right away - I may just use it as a starting point for when I write later on, but I figured I'd get started writing, as I've got some time to relax. Yes, that's right, it's a Saturday afternoon and I'm not at work, in fact I'm on my couch with Kairi and Tidus and I'm watching TV and I just had a nice breakfast bagel and some soup. I'm cleaning and relaxing and it's wonderful.

It was an active, busy day today, something that doesn't regularly occur. A day that I would classify as good, as fun, as enjoyable; Memorable, calming and satisfying.

I do things that don't make sense, out of a loyalty to routine, or dedication or a blind devotion to structure... I don't really know. I do things and I'm aware that it's either not in my best interest or just stupid or useless, but do them anyway.