Excessive

4:08pm Home from work, and I can feel a migraine sitting in the back of my skull, down the sides of my neck and behind my eyes. Sitting there, waiting to explode, just waiting. It will come.

I'm feeling rather claustrophobic or overwhelmed by the state of the house, and it's not anyones fault or anything, in fact I think most of the negative feelings come from owning the cats, and I'm just sick of having dry cat food crumbs, kitty litter bits, so much hair, dust, vomit, poo everywhere, all the time, even cleaning and sweeping twice daily doesn't stop it from either being stinky in the kitchen, or having shitloads of cat hair everywhere so it's always sticking to your face, and it's just... a lot to take right now, especially with the heat. I just find myself feeling dirty or that I'm living in a dirty hole, because while I could be staying more on top of chores this week, it's not like they go ignored, and I do sweep and clean frequently, so it's just this feeling of no matter how much I work at it, it'll always be there, and I guess that's just something will always be true when you own four god damn cats.

It's been awhile since I've written and most of the time breaks are caused by depression or extreme exaustion, but this time it's just been caused from forgetfulness and playing too many games. Yes, for this week I've been off school, I've relaxed and played games guilt-free, without worrying about what I should be doing. I've been playing a bunch of games that I've had on the go forever, as well as restarting a couple that I had played before but only for an hour or so, and never went back to.

I actually don't feel so bad that I can't actually write, which is nice, considering last night writing anything was a brutal challenge considering my migraine, and all the fun stuff that comes along with that. It was a tiring day, and I could fall asleep right now if I wanted to, but I figured I'd sit down and write for a little bit before I made my way to bed.

Today was pretty shitty, and even the end, where it could've been better, had it's downside, summed up with one word - Migraine. Today was the Direct X final exam, and it was a series of events that left me feeling very shitty, leading right into a severe migraine.

This might be the first time in fifteen or seventeen years or something that I can say that I am sitting here in boxers. I remember when I was a kid (I guess I can legitimately say that now) at some point in the summer or summers I wore a pair of boxers as my pijamas because my bedroom was on the second floor, but I've never wore them as underwear, and since that summer in my childhood, I haven't worn them since. These aren't mine actually, they're Bekki's, and I put them on because it's just so uncomfortably hot, and I don't own any shorts or cool clothing at all. I feel like a slob, sitting here in boxers and no shirt, practically naked, but I'm alone (besides the cats) so it's okay.

It's hot today... it started off cooler, I actually wore a hoodie this morning, but over the day it got extremely hot. I'm sitting here feeling kind of crippled, but what are you gonna do? My air-conditioner doesn't quite cool as well as it should or could or might if it were not from the early 90's. It's like if it were the winter, and I thought lighting a match in one room would warm up the entire house... it's just unrealistic.

I made it through the weekend and I most certainly didn't think I would; you know, that strange, irrational thought that you somehow won't make it through a certain period of time... yeah, it's terrible, and stupid, but it floats over you. I made it through Father's day brunch, and it was actually a lot easier than most of us thought it would be, especially me. On top of that success, I also managed to complete all of my school goals, ahead of schedule even, which gave me a few hours of relaxation this evening, which was much needed.

Lately work has been unpleasant. I shouldn't feel guilty for leaving after 9 hours, and yet today I did. I shouldn't feel attacked or insulted while at work either, and yet I do. It's a place I don't like to be, and only because of social interaction, not the actual work. People have a hard time not being terrible, negative, rude, mean people, and it effects those around them, and I just wish it didn't have to be that way.

So it's been a few days since I wrote and that's mainly because I got terribly sick. I got behind on school (just by a day basically), depressed from my sickness and how I was feeling, and writing wasn't the first thing on my mind. I struggled with trying to stay on top of my school work and it left me feeling even more upset than I already was.