Excessive

I go through stages... through cycles and yeah, I know that I do, and I know that I know, but it still catches me off guard and always seems new. Lately I've been so tired all the time... I've been napping and just feeling dead tired always, and just a week or two ago I would never sleep and never feel tired and need sleeping pills.

Today was very interesting, very uncharacteristically me. I swallowed my fear (no homo) and did something that would normally make me uncomfortable. What may seem terribly normal to others, I felt nervous and awkward about, but I did it anyway, and it made me feel good... yes, that's right, I worked in the backyard. Yes, for the first time in the two and a half years I've lived here, I stepped foot into the backyard. Ah, but I feel as though I'm getting ahead of myself, I suppose I should start at the beginning of the day.

I wish I had more time because there is so much I want to do. I want to read forever, and not worry about anything. I want to play all my games, and create countless websites and projects that will enhance my life. I want to spend time with those I love and not worry about what time I have to got bed, or what time I have to wake up, or when I'll be getting home from work. So much planning around limited time, it's getting tiresome.

Today was an interesting day, in that it was a mix of things, mainly positive, and while I generally feel at rest, I get flashes of anxiety that don't stick around very long. I've spent the majority of my time home reading, and it's been supremely satisfying.

Today was better than yesterday... I cleaned and played games and read a lot, and didn't feel like shit, so that's good right?

I work tomorrow at 6am, so I took a sleeping pill in an attempt to go to sleep early, and I'm sure it will work. I don't really have it in me to write tonight, but I figured I'd input something at least.

It seems lately I've been writing the same crap here every day but I can't help it, I just write what I feel, and if it's generally the same, then I guess that kind of makes sense.

I am tired, very tired. I woke up very early this morning to make breakfast for Bekki and myself... a nice, large breakfast, and I woke up at 7:40am to do so, after going to bed roughly at 3:00pm.

I just finished saying that I wasn't tired, and then I sat down to play SSX and immediately felt very tired. I still hadn't written though, and had a bunch of things I wanted to do, but now I feel as though I need to get those things out of the way so that I can go to sleep as soon as possible.

Trying my best to have a low-key evening, and I seem to be succeeding so far. Because of the wonderful day-light savings time, and the awesome fact that I open tomorrow, means I lose an hour of precious sleep. The transition from Saturday to Sunday is always a difficult one, and this time change is going to potentially make it worse, so I'm taking steps to ensure a smooth transition.

I don't feel like writing but I'm sitting down to write out of routine, or habit, or a sense of obligation.

I slept for a long time last night... I suppose I needed it, because I slept straight through to 11:30am or so, and I had pretty wild, generally uncomfortable dreams through the night, which hasn't happened for awhile, but used to happen way too often. I woke up feeling rested but sore from the long sleep, my back sore and mind feeling fuzzy.