Excessive

Lately I've felt so ugly... everything about me I've been dissatisfied with, and not the normal way that people always see themselves as ugly, I mean in a disturbingly large amount of disgust. At first I thought it was maybe my hair... maybe my hair was making me feel horridly ugly.. so I cut it, and dyed it, but no, I still feel just as ugly. I think it's a combination of a lot of things. All of my clothes are dirty and I never have anything to wear, my socks are dirty and stinky, I only have about three pairs of underwear left, no pants I really like, and barely any shirts. I just feel dirty and gross and grimey all the time. I want to feel confident like I did in the summer... I want to get some style, feel good about myself.. but not in a stupid way... I'm not sure how to put it without making it seem like normal teen angst stuff... All I want to do is feel comfortable with how I look, and feel good when I walk to work, or walk home from work, or sit at work.. then again, I guess it doesn't really matter what I look like when I'm just sitting at work. I guess it's just a dream of mine...

prier from La Pucelle

Lately Nippon Ichi has captivated me and have completely caged my soul, and threw in a PS2 and their games as punishment. In other words, I've been unhealthily addicted to all Nippon Ichi games (a japanese game development company), La Pucelle, Disgaea and Phantom Brave. All are SRPG (Strategy Role Playing Games), all feature hilarious humour, mind blowingly deep gameplay and replay value you could have sex with. The graphics in all of the games are handdrawn 2d sprites, beautifully drawn and molded into the world.

Well, I don't really have a good way of replying to comments, especially when the people leaving comments ask me questions but don't leave emails.. *cough* Aaanyway, I thought I'd take this time to respond to some comments that have been left in the last few entries. Just for reference purposes, I'll be posting the original comment exactly as it was posted, and then referring to specific quotes of the comment with white.

Why is it that whenever I go to bed now, I lay awake and think horrible things that make me cry and unsleepy? Why is it that for the last few days, I've laid in the dark and thought about what it was like to be alone in that hospital? or how it felt to have my heart ripped out. or the looks on faces, the sounds in the voices...

Due to a severe error in my script, error logs were being created too frequently, and due to this error, my monthly bandwidth is almost used up (thankfully it's already the 25th). Although I've fixed the error (to the best of my knoweldge), it may be too late to save the site, so you may find yourself staring at a "user has exceeded their monthly bandwidth usage" and you won't be able to read my beautiful site! Probably the most annoying thing about the whole thing is that I get about three or four emails a day telling me my bandwidth has gone over 80%! OH NO!! I just needed one god damn email thank you very much, not an entire mailbox full.

I'm going to start with the recolection of watching the great movie Elf. Yes, that's right, GREAT. I knew I was going to enjoy it right off the bat, before I even watched the movie... before I even downloaded it... I suppose that's why I decided to download it in the first place. Probably the biggest reason why I did decide to download it was because I kept seeing the commericals on TV because Christmas is getting closer, and the americans are, for some reason, pushing Christmas earlier than ever this year (it's not even their thanksgiving yet.. fucking weirdos), but anyway, I kept seeing commercials for it and I kept giggling and yelling WILL FERREL! Naturally, anything I giggle at, I want in my home, so after being mindlessly brainwashed by commercials, I went to the gosh darn computer and downloaded the movie. I enjoy, or have enjoyed rather, anything Will Ferrel has been in or been involved with (his writing credits in Night at the Roxbury and Anchorman) and so I new that I would at least eeennjoy the movie, if not love it, so I went into the movie ready to be amused. Thankfully the movie not only amused me, but it managed to turn my bad mood into a good mood, laughing at so many jokes, and a lot of physical comedy, something Will is genius with. It has it's share of 'corny, but not too corny' moments, hilarious jokes, lots of 'smile parts' and fun things... references to my childhood and so on. Basically, it was well acted (except for the kid... I didn't particularly care for his acting, not that it wasn't good.. I just didn't like the guy).. and it was a very nice, magical movie, worth enjoying, especially around this time of the year.

I'm wondering if there is a law against muttering threats against someone online, in written form. I know there are things to do with verbal harrasment and threats, but I'm not sure about online, since rogers is registered with .com, and .com is american.. hehe annnnyway. There is this girl, not woman, girl, named.. hmmm, let's change names for privacy sake. A girl named Sharon (for example) is a giant cunt, whom deserves not only to be shot through the face, but also repeatedly boot fucked; over and over. I hate her. I want to kill her with spoons. Good thing her real name isn't Sharon though. It's not.

Today was pretty short.. for some reason, someone took some hours out of it and it only lasted a few, rather than the full amount. I wonder where they went... I woke up early; I couldn't sleep last night, and I woke up every hour or so, eventually waking up at 8:30am or so, and the curtain was open in our room, and the sun was shining in on my face, which was nice, but it also confused the hell out of it because it was only 8:30am and it looked like it was 12 or something because of how bright it was. Where was I? Hmm... anyway, I got out of bed, barely awake, and made a pot of coffee, drank coffee, almost fell asleep on the couch and then stumbled back to bed. I don't remember how long I slept for... or when I got back up, or what I did really when I got up.