Excessive

Felt like a pretty long day today, and while it wasn't that unpleasant, a few unpleasant things occurred. Mainly it was not doing as well on my client/server midterm as I had hoped, or thought I would. Second would be going in to work to find out that I was in to inventory, which is just lame.

Last night as I was stumbling to bed, all dizzy from my sleeping pill, I fucking stubbed my toe so hard off a suitcase type travel bag sticking out from underneath the bed. Kind of knocked the wind out of me just because of how unexpected it was, and it hurt sooooo much. I turned the light on, and by this point I'm feeling really out of it from the sleeping pill), and I checked if there was any blood, but there wasn't, so I just went to bed. When I woke up, there was blood at the toenail, and it hurts like a bitch to put my weight down on that foot... it's been so long since I've stubbed my toe, it sucks!

The end of a long, tiring, frustrating, worrying, stressful week. Yeah, that's a lot of adjectives, and in all honesty, I don't think that quite accurately covers just how terrible this week has been. I've entered some kind manic freak out and was terribly irresponsible with money all week, as well as obsessively focused on specific things, restless, hyper active.

I'm not going to be writing tonight.

I worked my ass off all day on coding, and now I'm really tired. I feel mentally drained, physically drained, and I don't feel good about anything or anyone.

I wasn't going to write today... errr.. tonight... mainly because I spent the last 10 hours working on a C++ project... a DateTime class that basically handles conversions between Julian Date Numbers and Gregorian Calendar dates. It's extremely complicated, frustrating, countless issues, non-stop anger... ugh. Today has been an interesting up and down experience, and I'm going to bed on quite a down note, which is... so fucking retarded.

This week has been a whirlwind of non-stop stuff to do, and my brain is just about catching up now, which leaves me feeling... kinda tired, kinda lost feeling.

What's that? I should complain a bit more? Sure! My hands hurt... I somehow have nicks and cuts all over them, and they sting constantly and when I have a bath they hurt more, and when I cut things at work and either fruit juice or potato liquid or anything really, it just hurts the fuck out of me. I have a headache and I'm uncomfortable, I had school and worked all night, and I have a midterm tomorrow and I don't have time to study... well, the time I do have... I can't concentrate because of my headache.

I don't know why but I got home today and just ruined a perfectly good dinner. I don't know what went through my head or why I decided to do it, but the simple action of salting the water for my spaghetti just totally screwed up the dinner. I never salt the water... I love the spaghetti dinner I make, I don't know why I thought to do it... why fix something that isn't broken? Anyway, it ended up salty and tasting different and I didn't enjoy it at all, not a little bit.

I don't even remember writing last night's entry really... that's kind of weird... I wasn't drunk, maybe I was overtired... very weird. I came home, made a snack, and wrote for quite a while, but I barely remember doing it, and I have no idea where all those words came from considering I had been awake for something like 18 hours, so that may have had an effect.

The Weight by Thrice contains some of the most powerful lyrics I think I've ever heard/read and talk to me in a way that only music could.

I wasn't going to write... yeah, it's 2:30am, I just got home from seeing Thrice in Toronto with Julie, Mel and Darren, I have a pretty bad headache, I was hungry, and I'm pretty tired, since I've been up since 6am... but after having a snack, and putting on the daily show... I didn't quite feel like I wanted to get in bed just yet, and then I was randomly reminded just how comforting it is to write even a few sentences. So I suppose... take this entry as a prologue for tomorrows, where I will go into more detail.