Excessive

I don't have much to write today... I wrote last night's entry slightly intoxicated, as you can tell by it's hilariously bad writing, but I read it again this morning and I actually didn't do too badly; I only had to fix a few words and spelling mistakes.

So I haven't written in a day or two, and this is mostly due to exhaustion I guess, but maybe because I just forgot to after taking a sleeping pill and working on random bullshit.

A "day off" today so to speak, a day where I didn't have to go into Windermere, and sadly, time flies, and the day is over before I know it, and here it is almost bed time, and I haven't really done much.

I can't think! My head hurts... it's pounding and walking around the house hurts, and moving hurts, and yeah, I'm complaining.. so what? It's messing with my mind, I can't think right, I keep thinking in circles and I can't solve simple problems. I wanted to work on that work/timestamp site I was planning but kept being stumped by small problems, or just by the fact that I couldn't really think straight, so I eventually gave up, sadly... as I really wanted to work on it, I just thought it would be fun.

I have to say I am rather... not sure what the word I should use here, but I just wish I had more time. I'm sitting here, just getting into some programming stuff... theory, and trying to figure out some things, and I know that it's getting late and I have to go to sleep soon, so I really don't have time to mess around with stuff. Kinda makes me sad really... anyway, my idea was to just make a basic website where I can come home from work, put in the hours I worked that day, and it would simply keep track of my shifts, so I can ensure I'm not getting ripped off. I'm trying to plan it out, make it well made so that it could be easily expanded on with minimal work, and I think I've made a bit of progress.

Another long retarded day at the ol' Windermere, and after eleven hours of almost non-stop work, I'm home, and I have to be up and go back there in about six hours. OhmygodIthinkI'mdying.

Today feels like it's been a very long day, I'm tired and ready to wind down, and it's already so late. I've just got home from work, and have no time to do anything, but I don't know, I suppose today was a pretty good day, so I can't really complain... well, I'll always find a way to complain, but it will be minimal today.

It's a nice revelation as I chat with a friend and I'm asked how things have been, if I've been having an easier time, and I go to respond and realize I can say, "yeah, today was a good day." I'm kind of lost within a bubble of safety, where I pretend that nothing else exists except things that make me happy, and it's safe to say that's mainly playing Disgaea 4, but I can tell that something in my head has clicked, at least for right now, in that I'm super energetic and creative... and yeah... I know what that means, but I'll pretend like I don't. It's better... much better than the last week, because at least I can still sedate myself when needed, to counteract the side effects.

I have a giant migraine, and it just kept building and getting worse while at work, and now I feel like I'm dying and it's terrible. I tried to have a bath to soak and make it better, but I thought I was going to throw up while in the water, so I had to get out, and now I'm trying to write... trying to eat a snack, but with just one bite I feel like I'm going to throw up.

I woke up today and it seemed like the day, the morning that greeted me, was some kind of universal apology. It made me think that if a God existed, this was him saying sorry to me.